Some weeks ago, I got back home to very warm hugs and joyful banter from IdaraAbasi and Keima. We caught up on the day’s happenings, and after a few minutes, Idara blurted out quite randomly, from the blues,  “Mummy, it’s not fair that you always get to paint your nails, and I don’t. It’s just not fair Mum, it’s not fair.” Apparently, she had just noticed that I got a manicure done.

Even though the outburst caught me unawares, I knew that she was not joking and honestly, I didn’t quite know how to respond. The “African mum” in me wanted to clap my hands together with accompanying head movements in that “you have guts” style, but of course, the kind hearted side of me prevailed; I exercised restraint and chose the path of love and not war. 

I went ahead to gently explain to her that there are some things that she may like and really want now, but cannot get or fully explore as a lifestyle until she is older. I encouraged her to exercise patience, everything good will come. This piece of advice came from one of the truest parts of my heart because as an adult now, I have seen many of the things I aspired for as a child come within my reach. 

As an individual, taking care of my nails is one habit that grew on me from when I was about 16 yrs old, thanks to my childhood friend, Abimbola, who believed that wearing chipped nail polish was an indication of self-neglect and hence always changed her nail polish every weekend. In so many ways, she demonstrated the importance of personal grooming and left me with learnings that would go with me through my adult life.

In my quiet reflections after the incident, I acknowledged that as an observant, kind and thoughtful girl, Idara had grown to see, love and admire my “well-manicured” nails. Through this, I saw the power of modelling demonstrated. Modelling  is a major way through which behaviour is learned and shaped; it is a kind of learning in which direct instruction is not required, as a person observes the behaviour of another and then imitates it (or aspires towards it). 

When it comes to raising children, it is very true that what we ‘do’ is often a billion times more powerful than what we ‘say’. They are a sponge, capable of absorbing any and everything, whether good or bad.  If we make a conscious effort to do and be the very things that we constantly talk to them about or desire for them to be, we are likely to see the changes which we desire.

Just imagine the fact that our children can observe something about us, admire it, love it so much and then want it badly. Wow! This is an absolute super-power which must be explored to the fullest advantage. It’s not a call to pretentious living or drama, but an invitation to authenticity and an alignment with our values, desires and goals. It’s about closing the gap between who we profess that we are and who we really are. It’s a call to a renewed consciousness that our lives are speaking a language, clearly discernible to our children and indeed, everyone in our lives.

Personally, I am on a journey of exploring the power of modelling to provoke holy desires and build Kingdom ethos in my children. In fully recognising, accepting and loving my “office” as a mother, I am maximising all the assets and resources at my disposal to create new paradigms for these precious gifts I have been called to train and nurture. 

What would you like to see in your children? Who would you like them to be? Can you ‘be’ it? Or can you begin to try to ‘be’ it? Can they learn love, kindness, patience, empathy, resilience, godliness, resourcefulness, etc from you? Abi it’s just “mundane aspirations” like nail polish and slay queen vibes that you are emitting? Okay oh! I’ve heard you. I will “kuku” drink water and “face my front”.